One
huge problem people who are overly
stressed out have is the ability to
say “No” when they need
to. Maybe your mother wants you to
take Grandma to the store, but you’re
in the middle of a big work project.
Perhaps your best friend asks if you
wouldn’t mind babysitting her
kids when you’ve already made
plans with yourself to get a haircut.
There’s no reason why you have
to say “Yes” to everyone.
In fact, there are often many times
when you should turn them down. If
you find yourself agreeing to do things
when you really don’t want to,
you’re a people pleaser. In
general, this isn’t a bad trait
to have, but it can be a huge stressor.
People pleasers think of other people’s
needs before their own. They worry
about what other people want, think,
or need, and spend a lot of time doing
things for others. They rarely do
things for themselves, and feel guilty
when they do. It’s hard being
a people pleaser.
People
pleasers hold back from saying what
they really think or from asking for
what they want if they think someone
will be upset with them for it. Yet
they often spend time with people
who don’t consider their needs
at all. In fact, people pleasers often
feel driven to make insensitive or
unhappy people feel better - even
at the detriment to themselves.
Constantly trying to please other
people is draining and many people
pleasers feel anxious, worried, unhappy,
and tired a lot of the time. They
may not understand why no one does
anything for them, when they do so
much for others - but they often won’t
ask for what they need.
This
is the trap I fell into. I found myself
always agreeing to do for others but
when I needed those same people to
help ME out, they were curiously occupied. |
